oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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