so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
