She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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