Apparently you make a good broom.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
