if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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