he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
