Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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