My liver just broke up with me...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
soo... how was my night?
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