Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
