Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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