its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
NoShamevember. You game?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
