I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
