umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
