Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize