I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
