im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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