I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
