I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
