I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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