One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
a search helicopter?!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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