My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
