well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
