never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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