Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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