I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
