He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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