You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
is it fun? or sober?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
