This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
