the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
