i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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