it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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