You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
