barbara walters just said penis...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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