Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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