i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
