My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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