I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
