Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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