If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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