i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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