You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
