At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
