she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
