The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
