Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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