Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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