I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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