You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
