So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
