First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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