Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
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I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
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You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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