wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
