theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
