Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
