Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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