It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
