There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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