Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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