I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
