this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
