I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
