she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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