If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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