dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
