We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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