I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize