I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
