You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
