margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
